The Cunning Linguist
2004-02-01 23:49:24 UTC
"Good morning class. I trust you enjoyed your long Crowley Day weekend and
have retained at least a few functioning brain cells. Today we will continue
with our study of the religious practices of the Ancient Pagans. As you
recall, we were discussing the celebration of the Sabbats and had come to
Life Begin. The ancients called this time 'Imbolc' or 'Ground Hog' day- the
latter referring to a traditional food of the time called 'sausage.'
The professor waived his hand over a crystal covered podium. A three
dimensional image appeared in the middle of the dais and began to slowly
rotate. The image was that of a circular structure. In the center was lush
green grass with many mystical lines and symbols painted on it. It was
surrounded by tier upon tier of concentric circles rising up hundreds of
feet. "Imbolc was the most important holiday on the ancient Pagan calendar.
While most Sabbats were held by small groups in isolated pockets, everyone
in Usa, and almost the entire world, came together for Imbolc.
Archaeologists have found structures similar to this one, called 'ball
parks' (apparently after some euphemism referring to the fertility rites
held in them), near almost every sizable human settlement of the time,
however this one was the largest by far."
In a flash, the circular structure was filled with people dressed in all
manner of wild looking clothing. Some had colorful head gear of various
shapes and sizes- even feathers, some sported huge caricatures of human
hands with the index fingers raised. Others raised their own fingers in like
gestures. Evidently this was some symbol of invocation.. Everyone seemed
full of joy at the thought of the impending ritual as they were all smiling,
laughing, shouting, singing, and dancing about. About half the group was
dressed in blue and orange, the other in green and white. Some were not
dressed at all, but had just applied paint directly to their bodies. Despite
the fact that it was cold enough to make their breath come out in great
clouds of steam, they seemed comfortable enough.
"Now, only about a hundred thousand were actually able to attend the event
in person, but throughout the world, people joined the ritual via something
called 'teevee'- which seems to be a rudimentary form of the sensotank
which only displayed a flat, two dimensional image with no smell or
sensation." A gasp came from the back of the lecture hall. The professor
chuckled. "Yes, it was quite primitive, but that did not keep some three
billion people from joining in as if they were right there. The devices were
"An interesting aside you might want to add to your notes. As you recall
these were very dark times, and there existed a religion that was vehemently
opposed to Paganism; it even killed some Pagans in its fits of hatred and
intolerance. These people were called the 'Robertsians' after the founders
of the religion, Pat and Oral. Their remains are identified by the symbol of
the stylized cross with the corpse attached or the strange symbols 'WWJD.'
The traditional time for them to hold their rituals was each Ra's Day
morning. The annual Life Begin, excuse me, Imbolc ritual was also held on
Ra's Day. So powerful was this ritual that, even though the Robertsians
considered the day to belong to exclusively to their god Jerfalwell, even
they put aside their hatred of the Pagans, forwent their own rituals, and
joined in the Imbolc celebration. It was, by the way, soon after end of the
twentieth century that the Robertsian religion collapsed and the movement
toward the current world harmony we now enjoy began.
"On to the ritual itself. Imbolc was then as Life Begin is now a celebration
of the return of the fertility of the Earth and its inhabitants. This ritual
was the first outdoor gathering of the new Solar Cycle. The grass of the
inner circle was of course artificial- as it was far too cold this early in
the Cycle for real grass to flourish- and served as a symbol of the
fertility about to return to the Earth."
The image changed to that of a huge male, obviously in some sort of ritual
garb. This one wore the same green and white as about half of the ritual
participants. "Interestingly enough, all of the active celebrants were male.
There was no Priestess in this ritual. Just a moment and you will see why.
The Priests were clothed to emphasize their maleness- as you can see by
this example. Note the exaggerated musculature, the oversized shoulders, the
spikes on the shoes to exaggerate the height, even the obviously enhanced
genital area. This was the symbol of a virile male at its finest, at the
The image in the tank changed to an oblong brown object It had circles
around each end, and some sort of a thong or lace running up the middle. The
students cooed in wonder at the site of it. Some of them even wore small
replicas of the ancient symbol around their necks. "Yes, yes, quiet please.
This is indeed the most wonderful symbol of our nurturing Goddess. We have
all seen it hundreds of times, and we believe this ritual is the origin of
the symbol. The Goddess is seen as plump and almost bursting with the
fullness of her gravidity, just as the Earth promised to bring forth its
bounty. The circles around each end represent her eternal nature, while the
lacing up the middle is obviously a vaginal symbol. Notice that it can be
opened to let out her presents, and then closed again." He let the class
marvel at this ancient symbol of their faith for a few moments.
"Now let us watch the actual ritual." The image was filled with what seemed
to be random, chaotic movement by the participants. The crowd attending the
ritual was greatly enthused at the display. "As you can see, the ritual
begins by one of the priests passing the Goddess symbol between his legs to
show off his manliness. He hands it to another priest who now holds her
aloft to signal his intent to mate with her. Those in the same colors as he
represent the multifaceted god (green and white representing life and purity
respectively), those in different colors represent such things as drought
and flood (this the orange symbolizing heat and blue symbolizing water)
which, at the time, were the enemies of a fruitful harvest. The 'gods'
battle the 'plagues' until finally they carry the Goddess victoriously out
of the ritual circle. They then hurl her through the twin erect phallic
symbols. Thus she is fertilized and a plentiful year is promised."
The view switched to some very scantily clad women gyrating and alternately
thrusting their breasts, pubic areas, and buttocks at the crowd. The crowd's
enthusiasm seemed to grow even wilder at this display. "These of course are
the Maidens. As you note, most of the crowd is male. These Maidens represent
those who are just coming into sexual receptivity with the new season. The
bold (for the times) display of their sexual parts is a sign to the males
that they are willing to copulate, and it went on throughout the entire
ritual. Of course this explains the excitement of the males."
Now a series of written symbols appeared. Some were simple- they seemed to
be merely painted on pieces of wood or cloth. Others glowed with their own
light and many sparkled and changed shapes. "These symbols are obviously the
names of the various deities involved. You will note the most common one is
'Bud'. This word referred to the first blossoms of the plants in Spring, so
it is obviously the name of the Fertility Goddess they are honoring.
Sometimes a longer version of the word is seen; this is an expression of
love for her meaning something like 'the all knowing' or 'wiser' Bud. She
was the dominant Goddess of the time in Usa as her name is found almost
everywhere people gathered. The exception being the Robertsian ritual areas.
"Now then, are there any questions?"
"Sir, what is the gray metallic object in the sky over the circle?" came
from a naked young woman in the front row.
"Ah, that is a most magickal construct. We do not know what it was for, but
we believe it was called 'Wyrd Frumar Spawnsar.' Linguists are still unsure
what the phrase means, but we know this was its name as the words are always
heard on the teevee just before it appears. Scientists have studied this
object and are mystified by how it functioned. There were no
antigravitonetic engines for almost another three hundred years. Airborne
machines of the time had to move forward at a certain speed in order to
remain aloft; this object can remain almost motionless. It is proof positive
that magick was practiced before Billy Graham the XXII proved the existence
of the Web of Life Energy and made magick available to the masses. It is
obviously phallic in nature. The blinking lights salute the return of the
Sun. The foot with the wing is a symbol of health and vigor. We have tried
to decipher the symbols, and we believe they roughly mean 'happy season' or
'good year'- obviously a blessing on the festivities."
A deep gong reverberated throughout the room. "Well, time also flies."
The group began to noisily shuffle out for their next class. The professor's
voice rose to be heard above the din. "Some of you owe me papers! That essay
on the Why The Great Bard Pendragon Was the Most Influential Writer of the
Ancients was due last week! I am going to have to start deducting points if
you don't get those in!"
(c) 2001 The Pendragon See complete copyright information on my home page